How to annoy Jack Sparrow
by I'll Show You a Sweet Dream
Summary: Title says it all. 25 unique ways to bug Jack Sparrow out of his mind if done in quick succession . Also a joke, and one that I am not particularly proud of. But, it is a joke that my readers have enjoyed at least a bit.
1. How to Annoy Jack Sparrow

How to Annoy Jack Sparrow

**How to Annoy Jack Sparrow**

**I know that we all either love Jack or we hate Jack. But really, there isn't much difference between love and hate, is there? (My conscience taught me that. It's the fault of Beckett and his British influence.)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, no matter how much I beg.**

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1. Whenever he tries to say, "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow" walk up behind him and scream, "We get it you overstuffed Spanish peacock!" (Highlander reference)

2. Bake him muffins. Make him eat one. Tell him that they were from Will, expressing his undying love for him.

3. Throw a stuffed peacock at his face and proclaim that it is his long-lost wife, and now they can be joined in magnificent bird-love forever.

4. Only call him Mr. Sugarplum-fairy-princess. (Pirates in the Present reference)

5. Whack him in the back of the head whenever he talks to Scarlet or Giselle.

6. Burn all of the rum, and tell him that you want to be just like Elizabeth when you grow up.

7. Whenever he talks about living forever sing the song "Who Wants to Live Forever". Sing it off key, and loudly enough to make Freddie Mercury roll in his grave. (Yet another Highlander reference)

8. When Jack says that his eyesight is perfectly fine when questioning him about the Black Spot, say, "Well, your hair is falling out." Rip out a dreadlock for good measure.

9. Explain to him what haggis is in great detail, and tell him that you could get Davy to make some for him.

10. When he is in a drunken stupor, yell "KRAKEN!" and hit him with a toilet plunger.

11. Follow him everywhere.

12. Stalk him obsessively and persistently. When he tells you to leave him alone, cry and say, "B-b-but I thought we had something s-special!"

13. Pretend to be drunk and fall flat on your face, right at his feet. If anyone asks you if you are all right, calmly slur, "Wellll, of courses I are." Then wave your arms and shout, "Because I'm Capt'n Jack Sparrow!"

14. Ask him why he used the hair on his back instead of the hair on his head to rope sea turtles.

15. Pretend to be drunk again and walk in an almost straight line with your arms out singing, "I want to be an airplane…" (Yes Dani I am making fun of you. Don't take it personally)

16. Steal his compass. Tell him it's broken, and it keeps pointing to him. Give him a weird look.

17. Call him the Dancing Queen. Teach the crew that song and get it stuck in their heads.

18. Make up an interpretative dance about him. End it with being eaten by the Kraken. Make him watch.

19. Let him find you in his cabin wearing his clothes and sniffing his hat. Stroke it and call it your precious. (LotR reference)

20. Steal his kohl. Rub it on your face and hum the Mission Impossible theme.

21. Cut all of his hair off. Say, "You're in disguise. This way, no one will recognize you." (Highlander reference)

22. Get a tattoo of Barbossa.

23. Agree that Barbossa owns the Black Pearl.

24. Make half of the words that leave your mouth swears. Direct them all at Jack.

25. After you do all of this, pull him over to the edge of the ship. Randomly kiss him and then push him off of the edge of the ship. Shout "whelp overboard!" and point to him in the water.

26. Repeat.

**Almost all of my ideas were completely original! I am so very proud of myself. Thank you all for coming.**

** Please review.**

**Ta**


	2. How to annoy Jack Sparrow 2

**How to Annoy Jack Sparrow 2**

**I am having a writer's block on **_**all **_**of my other stories, and I wanted to put up another chapter of these things. These may not be as funny as the first because I already used all of my best ideas in that chapter. I hope you all enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, no matter how much I beg.**

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1. Whenever he walks by you, gasp and fall over. Recover a few seconds later and trip him.

2. Switch his rum with tea because "he needs to start behaving more like Cutler."

3. Lecture him on all the evils of alcohol and it's effects on the body. When he argues, continue with the lecture and then stop and shake your head, saying, "There really is no way to argue with a child."

4. Do the opposite of anything he tells you to do.

5. Use his lines against him. Especially "not all treasure is silver and gold, mate," and "curiosity…"

6. Gag when he walks into the room. Hold your nose until he leaves, and let out a relieved sigh when he does.

7. Throw a dictionary at him every time he says savvy. When he asks why you did that, reply, "I need you to look up the definition of the word 'savvy.' I'm not sure it's real."

8. Use his kohl to draw a black spot on his hand while he sleeps.

9. Ask him why he wears so much eyeliner.

10. Bother him until he asks you what you want. Tell him that you want a crossbow. Smile sweetly, letting all your teeth show simply for effect.

11. Cuddle his rum bottle and sing depressing songs when he's drunk.

12. Talk about Cutler Beckett _all the time_. Whenever you say his name, sigh and bat your eyes adoringly.

13. Tie all of the ropes on the ship into nooses.

14. Steal his food and his rum. Refuse to give it back until he asks to marry you. When he asks (he will ask. You have his rum) say no anyway.

15. Let him find you snogging the ship. When he questions you about it say, "Well, this is my Pearl too! Don't be so selfish, we can share."

16. When he's drunk, put him in a wedding dress. Do this in front of Scarlett and Giselle.

17. Glomp him whenever he says 'curiosity', 'immortal', or 'opportune moment', depending on which movie it is.

18. Use really big words that only you and various scientists would understand around him, and call him a necrophobe behind his back. (necrophobia is a pathological fear of death or dead things)

19. 'Accidentally' set fire to his hat. do this while the hat is still on his head.

20. Carve 'I love Will Turner and that's okay!" all over his cabin walls and his bed. Look at him sympathetically and say, "You do know that there is therapy for this kind of thing… right?"

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**Yes, I know that there were only 20 ways to annoy Jack, but I don't have many good ideas. Please come back and review; it makes me feel loved.**

**Ta**


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